For those of you who were not with me back in July, I wrote a big post about my decision to try an anti-depressant after wearing out every other option. In that post and in a subsequent post, I unpacked the reasons that had held me back from taking medication for so long. And I'm glad I documented that for posterity, because I'm already beginning to forget what it's like to be chronically depressed and to have my thinking messed up all the time.
This is not to say that medication is right for everyone, but it is to give hope to those who've been struggling with the decision. And to give you an update on my life.
The good news is, that I'm truly better. I feel like myself again, not just that I'm acting the part of a happy woman. It doesn't take a great deal of effort to get through the day anymore. Looking back I can't believe that I was able to function so well and for so long without this life-changing treatment. I've struggled since my mid-teens, and feeling balanced and normal on a consistent basis is amazing. Honestly, and I hope this doesn't scare you, I don't care if I'm taking medicine for my depression for the rest of my life. I wish I had started a lot sooner, and so do all of my loved ones who've had to hold my hand through thick and thin.
And because you're my friends and I've felt like I've been holding out on you for quite some time, here is the rest of the story. While my brain chemicals are finally balanced and I feel like a normal person again, I'm still going through the hardest time of my life. I'm still in counseling, plowing through a bunch of garbage from my childhood. I'm still grieving for my dear, dear brother whose life went off the tracks last year. I'm witnessing my parents' divorce after 37 years of marriage, and I have front row seats because my Mom and little brothers are living with me.
And in case you've ever wondered, there is a huge difference between grief and depression. I would rather grieve, because grief comes in waves and is something that ends eventually, where depression is a constant, unremitting weight that you may have to carry forever.
And in case you've ever wondered, there is a huge difference between grief and depression. I would rather grieve, because grief comes in waves and is something that ends eventually, where depression is a constant, unremitting weight that you may have to carry forever.
I feel like I've turned a corner. A bunch of secrets came out last year in our family, and while they hurt and while they were a terrible shock, now I know the truth. Some of the painful changes were actually very good things, and I look forward to positive changes in my extended family. I don't have to go what I've just gone through ever again. And by the grace of God, all is well within my own little family circle. My kids are healthy and safe, my husband is faithful and kind, and we never go hungry or cold. I have a great deal to be thankful for.
And because I had Veyo pie for breakfast this morning, here's a picture. Like I said, I have a lot to be thankful for!
