Yesterday ALL my kids went to school ALL day for the first time ever. And I know I'm supposed to say it was bittersweet, so, okay, there was the tiniest twinge of a pang. It lasted approximately three seconds.
And then I did a happy dance. Guys! This is a whole new life for me! I have never, NEVER spent more than an hour or two alone in my whole life, and now I have potentially SIX every single day. My introverted little heart just can't stop singing.
It has been a long summer. A long life, come to think of it, and particularly the last fifteen years since I first clocked in as a stay-at-home mom. There have been diapers. There has been drama. There has been depression. And thanks to the grace of God, there has been a boatload of joy as well.
But honestly? I am delighted to be starting a new chapter of mothering.
I'm not exactly sure about my plan. As you read this, I am celebrating by binge-watching whatever people binge-watch these days and eating copious amounts of good chocolate. But don't worry, that kind of behavior won't last long. Eventually I will transition into sitting by the pool and reading. I am taking a long-deserved break.
(If indeed this version of stay-at-home-mommying turns out to be a break. I have my doubts.)
I have seriously thought about going out and getting a job or continuing my education right away. I have a some dreams that are brewing, dreams that have been on the back burner many years while I have focused on the kids. And I wouldn't have it any other way. They and TJ are the real dream. So yes, I can feel the pull to get out in the world now that I have a little more freedom. But for now I'm going to let those dreams brew a little longer while I enjoy success at this job I've been doing for so long.
Don't get me wrong, we are so far, so good. None of the kids seem to be considering a life of crime, so I think my life's work has yielded good results.
But I have felt underwater for most of the time I've been mothering. While I've been raising kids, an enormous amount of homemaking and self-care has gone completely untouched, and I'm pretty stoked to try my hand at it. I want to balance our budget. I want to paint our ugly walls. I want to plant roses to give to friends. I want to do more yoga.
I even plan on trying out the previously unheard-of arts of dusting and window washing. And maybe I'll figure out the mystery of why our dishwasher makes things dirtier instead of cleaner.
My dream is to cultivate a happy family. My dream is to have a home where the Proclamation on the Family is a way of life. I want to make this place a respite from the world when my kids are tired from their battles. I want my husband to find good food and happy faces here. I want to be a listening ear, a messenger of love, a supporter of dreams, a fighter for freedom. I want to be healthy enough myself, well-cared for enough myself, to overflow with nurture for the ones around me.
Is this to say that women should always stay home? Nope. It's not even to say that I'll be here for long. But maybe I will. Even without the kids at home during the day, I think I might still be more valuable here than anywhere else.
Yesterday being the first day, I ignored previous plans to veg out in favor of getting the house in shape and walking the dog. Then my brother dropped in and we had a nice, long heart-to-heart. Then, more housework, and as it was almost time to pick up the kids, I forced myself to read and nap for about an hour. So, mostly work.
But when I picked the kids up, I felt like a whole different mommy. I had dinner prepped already, so I sat around and listened to Eliza and Ezra chat about their first day of high school. I saved Eliza's life by driving her to get some jandals to replace the ones the dog had eaten. I read to them after dinner.
Counting the time I spent taking care of the kids before and after school yesterday, I still worked a seven-hour day. Add five hours of housework and I still worked a twelve-hour day. But I was more relaxed and happy than I've been in a long time. That mysterious back pain of mine almost disappeared. And those hours of silence recharged me and gave me a sincere enthusiasm for time with my kids I haven't felt in a long time.
Today I'm aiming for more play and less work, because I'm pretty sure a happy mama is the best gift I can give my family. Three cheers for a husband who makes the living so I can make the living worthwhile!
And then I did a happy dance. Guys! This is a whole new life for me! I have never, NEVER spent more than an hour or two alone in my whole life, and now I have potentially SIX every single day. My introverted little heart just can't stop singing.
It has been a long summer. A long life, come to think of it, and particularly the last fifteen years since I first clocked in as a stay-at-home mom. There have been diapers. There has been drama. There has been depression. And thanks to the grace of God, there has been a boatload of joy as well.
But honestly? I am delighted to be starting a new chapter of mothering.
I'm not exactly sure about my plan. As you read this, I am celebrating by binge-watching whatever people binge-watch these days and eating copious amounts of good chocolate. But don't worry, that kind of behavior won't last long. Eventually I will transition into sitting by the pool and reading. I am taking a long-deserved break.
(If indeed this version of stay-at-home-mommying turns out to be a break. I have my doubts.)
I have seriously thought about going out and getting a job or continuing my education right away. I have a some dreams that are brewing, dreams that have been on the back burner many years while I have focused on the kids. And I wouldn't have it any other way. They and TJ are the real dream. So yes, I can feel the pull to get out in the world now that I have a little more freedom. But for now I'm going to let those dreams brew a little longer while I enjoy success at this job I've been doing for so long.
Don't get me wrong, we are so far, so good. None of the kids seem to be considering a life of crime, so I think my life's work has yielded good results.
But I have felt underwater for most of the time I've been mothering. While I've been raising kids, an enormous amount of homemaking and self-care has gone completely untouched, and I'm pretty stoked to try my hand at it. I want to balance our budget. I want to paint our ugly walls. I want to plant roses to give to friends. I want to do more yoga.
I even plan on trying out the previously unheard-of arts of dusting and window washing. And maybe I'll figure out the mystery of why our dishwasher makes things dirtier instead of cleaner.
Is this to say that women should always stay home? Nope. It's not even to say that I'll be here for long. But maybe I will. Even without the kids at home during the day, I think I might still be more valuable here than anywhere else.
Yesterday being the first day, I ignored previous plans to veg out in favor of getting the house in shape and walking the dog. Then my brother dropped in and we had a nice, long heart-to-heart. Then, more housework, and as it was almost time to pick up the kids, I forced myself to read and nap for about an hour. So, mostly work.
But when I picked the kids up, I felt like a whole different mommy. I had dinner prepped already, so I sat around and listened to Eliza and Ezra chat about their first day of high school. I saved Eliza's life by driving her to get some jandals to replace the ones the dog had eaten. I read to them after dinner.
Counting the time I spent taking care of the kids before and after school yesterday, I still worked a seven-hour day. Add five hours of housework and I still worked a twelve-hour day. But I was more relaxed and happy than I've been in a long time. That mysterious back pain of mine almost disappeared. And those hours of silence recharged me and gave me a sincere enthusiasm for time with my kids I haven't felt in a long time.
Today I'm aiming for more play and less work, because I'm pretty sure a happy mama is the best gift I can give my family. Three cheers for a husband who makes the living so I can make the living worthwhile!
2 comments:
I love this. Keep feeding yourself and doing your good work.
Thank you, Sarah!
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