Every Marriage Needs Some of This

For Valentine's Day I gave TJ this framed print that we can write on each day.  Our little daily notes don't usually center on the Boy Scouts of America--I wrote this one right after TJ did the Klondike, because I happen to think any guy willing to camp in the snow with a bunch of deacons deserves to be sainted.  But I digress.

My friend swears this little wall hanging saved her parents' marriage, but I wasn't looking for any miracles.  We have been doing fine, really. But a few weeks ago I found myself pining after our newlywed days when each of us thought the other was perfect in every way.  Sadly, TJ and I slip too often into the trap of fault-finding, and whether or not we voice our criticism, that spirit can very quickly poison a relationship.  I began to pray, as Elder Eyring counsels, for the love to see past TJ's weaknesses and rejoice in his strengths:

Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion.

I heard a story of a guy who told his wife on their wedding day, "There is 20% of my character that is bad, and 80% that is good.  If you focus on the 20%, we'll be unhappy.  But if you focus on the 80%, we'll have a great marriage."  And how true is that!  When I married TJ almost fourteen years ago, he was everything my heart desired.  Was I a little blinded by infatuation and hormones and the like when I rated him 100%?  Well, yes, probably.  But this I know: regardless of perception, TJ is a better man today than he was then.  So how can it be that I am less pleased with him than I was then?

Surprisingly, the praise TJ writes to me is not nearly as important as the things I write to him.  This simple exercise of looking for something to write each day has shifted my paradigm.  I don't keep mental lists of things I'd like TJ to do better anymore.  If something bugs me, I make a simple, loving request, and trust him to take care of it when he can.  I forgive him as he forgives me.  And most of all, I rejoice that I am married to a man of God.  I never run out of things to write, because he never stops supplying them.

Such a simple thing.  A few little prayers of righteous desire, a suggestion from a friend to do this picture thingie, and enter the miracle.  The Lord does work in mysterious ways.  TJ and I have not been this happy in years and years.   We are happy, happy, HAPPY.

Which brings me back to my title: originally, I wanted to call it "Every Marriage Needs One of These," but really the wall hanging is just a device to bring about a pattern.  Maybe you already have this pattern going on in your marriage.  If you do, how do you?  And if you could use a little help, I hope you'll try this sweet baby for a week.  I guarantee you'll see a huge difference.