Blogging my Way Whole

Guys!  My blog just topped 10,000 views, most of them in the past year!

Some of you big-time bloggers out there will laugh, but I need you to keep in mind that I'm not a big-time blogger.  A year ago I was lucky to get one or two views per month.

I felt inspired to take my blog public so that I could use it to share my testimony and my experiences. I would still blog about my family and my faith, but I started to be more open about my struggle with depression. I wanted to liberate others to talk about the battles they fight and I wanted to give them support and hopefully some practical advice.

Mostly I wanted to give credit where it's due.  My Heavenly Father has helped me to rise above my disease in very real ways in the past ten years, and I wanted to share that wonder and that hope.  I just didn't know it was part of his plan to use this blog to help me yet again.

I began by writing about how my faith and my depression coexist in He Gives Me Hope.  I was blown away that people liked what they read and wanted to share it.  It gave me so much joy that my miserable experiences could be turned into blessings for others.  I kept writing.

Surprisingly, opening up about my condition has really alleviated my symptoms.  I think this is because this blog has been an opportunity for me to serve and also to create.

In October 2008, I found myself lucky enough to be present in the conference center in Salt Lake City for the Women's Session of General Conference.  I will never forget the power of Dieter F. Uchtdorf's message, "Happiness, Your Heritage." He taught sisters that we will have greater joy if we strive to serve every day and create every day.

"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul.  No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before... 

Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment.  We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty... 

You may think you don't have talents, but that is a false assumption, for we all have talents and gifts, every one of us.  The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano. Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before--colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter."

Okay, I'm in danger of quoting the whole talk right here, so I'll stop.  But the powerful impression Elder Uchtdorf left upon me that day paved the way for this blog.  And this blog has paved the way for deep joy for me.

Journaling is one of the most commonly recommended practices for healing and mental health, but writing a private journal has never been a joyful process for me.  My private journal entries are dull and unpolished.  But knowing that loved ones and even strangers are reading this blog impels me to think more critically, to tap into my creative self, and especially to do the work to get my real personality onto the page.  It is a joy to craft a funny phrase or record a great story in the hope that it can make someone smile.

The joy of creative writing has been the hook that motivated me to write about my experiences.  And writing about my experiences has brought me great peace and healing.  I have felt the Spirit testify to me of my divine worth, of my Father in Heaven's love for me, and of the sanctity of my life.  I have felt gratitude for the struggles that have humbled me and made me seek out my Savior.  And as I have revisited painful memories with the lens of faith, I have been able to see that He never deserted me. That is healing.  And it could not have happened without you, my friends.

My lonely road is now packed with fellow travelers, arms linked together.  Acquaintances who've read the things of my heart have in turn shared the things of their hearts, and now we are acquaintances no longer--we are sisters.  You are the greatest gift this blog has given me.  Thanks for bringing me hope, healing and joy by being a part of this journey.

To celebrate the blessing this blog has been in my life and hopefully in yours, I've added a couple of gadgets to the left.  Check out my most popular posts, and some of the ones that are popular in my own brain.  ;)  And don't forget to share, it seriously makes my day. 

Overwhelmed at Home? Ask Yourself Three Questions.

In our church, each of the women is assigned a teaching companion and a few women in the ward to watch over and serve.  It's called Visiting Teaching, because a big part of this service takes place in a monthly visit in each sister's home during which we can talk together about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Like most women in the LDS church I am both a visiting teacher and a visiting teachee. And when I am tempted to think that my role in the lives of those I teach is minimal, or that I am taking up too much of their time, or that I have nothing to give, I try to remember all the visiting teachers who have blessed my life over the years.  

Betty Owen was one such friend.  Three or four years ago, I was overwhelmed as a mom and suffering from depression and anxiety. She showed enough sincere concern and love that I was able to open up about my feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and incredible fatigue.  Betty gave me some of the best advice I've ever received--advice so good that I often call it to mind when I feel I'm over-committed, overworked, and overwhelmed.  She told me to ask myself the following questions:

"Why am I doing this?"

"Why am I doing this?"

and

"Why am I doing this?"

Does it seem like the same question over and over?  It's not.  

The first question helps me examine whether or not I'm spending my time on something that matters at all.  I can think of several things I do each day that are completely pointless.  I'm not talking about a long bath (which rests and refreshes me), or chilling on the couch with TJ (which helps us connect and strengthen our relationship)--I'm talking about things that are obviously wasting my time or even just making me unhappy.  Facebook is an easy target here, but not the only one.  I've also come to realize that there are TV shows and movies that aren't worth my time--especially if they seem to alienate the Spirit.  Free time is too precious to waste on something that doesn't make me happier.

The second question encourages me to think objectively about whether I could meet the same ends in a different way.  So say we have guests coming this weekend and I'm tempted to go a little OCD with menu plans and a fabulously clean house.  But what's the object of the visit?  Are they coming to see Pinterest-worthy rooms and meals, or are they coming to see me?  If I really focus on the end goal, I get ready for guests by getting the house as clean as I can within reason and having a few good ideas about food that don't take a ton of shopping or cooking.  Then I can really enjoy the visit as much as my guests deserve.  And what about obviously worthwhile projects and pursuits that are (equally obviously) too time-consuming for me?   This year, it looks like we're just not going to have a garden. I want one.  I love gardening.  But if it's the straw that's going to break this back, I'm not willing to do it. If it's actually stressing or tiring me out to the point that it would be better to buy the fresh produce, then so be it.  

Question number three is the big one.  There are seven people in this family, which means there is a lot of work to be done--but it also means that there are a lot of workers to do it.  Seems so simple, doesn't it?  Haha!  If you're a parent, you know it's simple but not easy.  You kind of have to be forced to give up on the dream of perfectly-done chores.  Sometime after the birth of my little number five, I realized that windows that get washed today (even if they're not perfect) are better than windows that I would do perfectly one of these days.  Delegate, my friends.  Your kids will fight it, but fight back.  Be smart about it.  Find what matters to them and make it worth their while.  For instance, we always hold a quick cleanup right before breakfast and lunch.  If they want to eat, they have to clean up.  Also, my kids are expected to do a half-hour of chores before they play with friends each day.  That effectively eliminates the vacuuming, the bathrooms, and most of folding laundry, as well as odd jobs here and there.  Some days I just would rather do it myself--and the great thing is that on those days, the kids are thanking me for the reprieve.  

Jeffery R. Holland taught in his landmark talk on mental illness:

In preventing illness whenever possible, watch for the stress indicators in yourself and in others you may be able to help. As with your automobile, be alert to rising temperatures, excessive speed, or a tank low on fuel. When you face “depletion depression,” make the requisite adjustments. Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill.

If you are a home school mom

If you suffer from depression or anxiety

If you are struggling with health or financial difficulties

If you are facing trials of any sort

If you are feeling overwhelmed in your calling as a parent, I urge you to remember and ask yourselves these questions.  They've given me a perspective on parenting that makes a daily difference in my life.  And thanks, Betty.  You're the best.

We Are Not Afraid of Work

At the end of last week's trauma,  I headed for the temple and then out to eat with some of  my home school sisters.   It was a powerful uplift and reminder of what truly matters in life.   I love laughing with and learning from these choice women.   They believe, with me,  what Julie B. Beck taught:

"Families mean work, but they are our great work—and we are not afraid of work."

Home school is just one way I go about accomplishing my great work.   I feel sure that you, too, are engaged in building your family.   May God bless you in this noble work!   And me,  too.